she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
