Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
