Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
