I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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