i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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