He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize
