I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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