yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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