i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
