Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
