quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
