Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
