Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
