Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
