well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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