What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
