What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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