go do what you do best...puke behind churches
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
