MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
