My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
