we're chasing vodka with high fives
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
