so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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