Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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