I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
