I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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