I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
