evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i think i have two assholes
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
