oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
