Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
