Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Randomize
