is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
