She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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