I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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