I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
