that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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