so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
