You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
