I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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