We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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