i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
