So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
