Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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