i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
