Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
