so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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