dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
