Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
