Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
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