I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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