I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
