I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
it's like iHOP with fire
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
