would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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