if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
