How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
