I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
