How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
