Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
